Tabitha Oyewole

Don’t run away yet—let me explain that strange title, please.

I hate reviewing my year because it means I have to reflect on every crazy thing that happened, but I must do that for 2023 because I need to especially thank God for helping me survive that year. I saw a meme that said everyone experienced the same level of “shege” in 2023, and I couldn’t help but laugh. That year was crazy! I guess 3 is not my lucky number.

The Good

I kept killing it in graduate school, and despite everything, I maintained the best CGPA. I also received some scholarship funds, and to top it all, I got an internship position at Gulfstream Aerospace Corp., a renowned American business aircraft manufacturer. The funny thing about this internship is that I didn’t even realize how big the company was until I got the job—that’s how much God came through for me. Oh, I also got a lovely car that I love so much in 2023.

Towards the middle of the year, I had an opportunity to visit the United Kingdom, which is where the craziest 2023 shit happened. However, I am still grateful for the opportunity to travel, so I am choosing to see the good in it before the bad. I traveled to the UK in the summer of 2023, and I was so happy to see my favorite cousin after such a long time. I was also excited to see my paternal family, whom I had never met before. Family is everything to me, so seeing my family members was the highlight of this trip.

The Bad: Please Shit

Before we talk about the UK sh*t, let’s first talk about how I started the year unable to poo. Yea, I was literally begging shit to come. I worked at a convenience store then and hated their restroom. I am very choosy with public restrooms—I would rather drive miles to use my bathroom than use a public one. Unfortunately for me, I had to work 9 hours minimum, standing. It was a crazy experience, as I would eat on my feet, pee in a cup because I didn’t want to be close to the toilet, and hold my poo until I got home. I had no idea I was harming myself with the habit I developed.

Over time, I stopped pooing completely and was excited about it because it meant I didn’t have to use a public restroom. However, I started feeling pain on the right side of my stomach and back whenever I swallowed food. It was really strange because my stomach would hurt from not eating when I was hungry, and it would also hurt from eating. I wasn’t sure what pain to choose because all my choices hurt.

I went to the hospital, and they said I had a shitload of shit in my colon. I was put on laxatives and had to start exercising. I started pooing naturally after a few weeks, but it was a stressful experience I will never forget in my life. I started writing this post in the restroom on the first day of 2024. I was angry at the fact that I needed to poo, then I remembered how difficult it was to poo in 2023, so I told myself to never complain again. I’m letting nature take its course in 2024, anywhere, anytime, anyhow. Ok, maybe not anyhow.

Oh Shit!

Now that we’ve talked about my inability to excrete waste from my body naturally in 2023, we should talk about the real sh*t 2023 threw at me. So, I got into a relationship with an ex that I had dated back in 2020, in January 2023. It all felt good because I thought I was really inconsiderate when we broke up in 2020, and I thought to give him another chance. For someone who has never had a successful long-distance relationship, you would think I would steer clear of long-distance relationships, but no—your dear Tabitha started a long-distance relationship. It wasn’t even a Lagos to Ibadan (about 81 miles) kinda distance or a Statesboro to Atlanta kinda distance; heck, I could have even done Statesboro to Maryland (I drove there for the holiday and it was nothing); it was a over-4000-miles kinda distance! I wish someone had seized my phone for months so the relationship would end, but no one did.

The relationship was good for the most part. I thought I was going to marry him because I only start dating people when I am certain that I can marry them—I date to marry, not to play. I believe that I have a lot of friends to have fun with if I just want to have fun, so if I’m dating someone, it’s because I want to spend the rest of my life with them.

Another interesting and rather annoying thing about me is that I would do anything for the people I love. So, weeks into the relationship, I put my travel plans in motion. I was struggling as a student and had to work extra, but I feel like international students in the UK have it harder, so I didn’t ask him for the money. I used my scholarship funds for the flight tickets and all the preparations I had to make. I got to the UK and was even low-key expecting a proposal in my mind. I blame my friends for this. Two days after my birthday, I discovered that he had a wife—not legally married but common-law partners. I call her his wife because, in Nigeria, we don’t have common-law partners. You are either married or single. This uncle had a legal partner in the UK, and the aunty was even calling him “husband.” The last time I was hurt or cried the way I did when I found out was when I got home from school and discovered that my dad had moved out of the house and left his family. I was hurt!

A Less Shitty 2024

After the heartbreak, I returned to the U.S. shattered, but I had to snap out of the shit quickly because of my internship. A lot of crazy things happened later in the year, relationship-wise. I ended 2023 feeling emotionally exhausted. I am still emotionally exhausted and don’t think I have the energy to romantically love like I usually would.

I started the year with the mantra, “Guard your heart with all diligence.” Even though I started saying that casually and didn’t really think about it the biblical way, it has become very important to me that I just do that in all areas of my life, the biblical way. Initially, the plan was to guard my heart and not fall in love with any guy, as I trained myself to when my dad left home, but now I just want to guard my heart from anything that will disturb my peace and love for God.

I know that I would be deceiving myself if I said I wouldn’t fall in love again, because I will. I am a love being—I was created by love, through love, and for love. I will love deeply, but I won’t be dumb. The plan is to spend 2024 focused on me, and the man will have to find me along the way, maybe this year, maybe next year, years to come, or never.

This year is about intentional and beautiful friendships, kicking it in the academia, strengthening my family bond, and just doing me, for me. I am excited about what 2024 has to offer, and I hope you are too. If you think your experience was crazier than mine, please share it with me, and let’s laugh or cry about it together. I definitely just laugh about mine now.

Be intentional about YOU this year! Cheers!

Prov. 4:23 LSB
“Guard your heart with all diligence, for from it flow the springs of life.”

P.S. Mummy, if you ever get to read this, remember the dream you had about someone (you had the correct name) betraying me? This is the story (haha).